I am such a horrible brat...

Wednesday night, Mom called. She got all her paperwork and stuff for her surgery at the beginning of October. I know I should be happy for her. I told her congrats. I got off the phone and cried unconsolably for a couple of hours. I want to be happy for her, but this was my thing first!! I was the one who wanted it! But, because I work for the state and she works for the federal government, she gets to go so much earlier than I do. By the time I even get my surgery she will most likey have lost at least 50 lbs. She will be thinner and I won't! I understand I'm being a brat. And I try to look at the bright side and I try to be happy for her, but it hurts! She only went to the information session to see what I was getting into. She didn't even finish her paperwork for the information session until after the session because she said she wasn't going to get the surgery. I convinced her that she wasn't too old to change her life...

Ok! I'll shut my bratty mouth now!

No change from yesterday...

Still waiting! LOL

Tonight I have my sleep study. Apparently, they want to find out if I have sleep apnea so that they can be aware of it during the surgery. I snore. I think I snore a bunch. I think I snore loudly. Fred says I snore most nights, but not all (like he really could tell... he sleeps like a rock.) I think he's just being nice. I think he has to be nice. LOL

Some things I have heard about the surgery....

85% of couples end in divorce- a couple of friends of mine have been married 13 years and are now getting a divorce... she had the surgery not too long ago. I wonder if it's a factor.

Fat cells hold a lot of estrogen, so:

1. I will be in a constant state of PMS.
2. I will have a very high libido (worse than now!)
3. I will be very fertile! (good thing i have the IUD!)

So, it seems like if I'm not screaming at him, I will be jumping his bones. I hope we (mainly he) will survive!

My life is on hold... :(

Honestly, I think Sarah is the only person who really reads my blog. I think that's why i don't blog very much. I just tell Sarah everything over IM, so why would I make her read it all again????

Right now, I feel like my life is on hold. I have started the proceedings to get Gastric Bypass surgery. My insurance will cover the surgery, but I have to go through a 6 month medically supervised weight loss program. :( So, I'm doing that right now and waiting... and waiting and waiting! I feel like my life can't move on until after this surgery. I have had enough of being the size that I am. I want to get a much more active life. I want to be able to do more. I have spent my entire adult life on and off of diets. I never really get anywhere. This surgery really is my last chance.

I think part of what makes this waiting so much worse is that my mom's insurance doesn't require the waiting period. She only went to the informational meeting to see what I was getting into. She kept saying, "I'm not going to get the surgery." Well... she is getting the surgery. She is getting the surgery in the beginning of October. I have to wait until about January of 2009. It's so frustrating. I'm the one who wanted it and she's the one who is getting it. She's going to be thin and I'm still going to be my fat self! I am happy for her that she is going to be thin, but I just wanted to be thin too!